If the two words at the top of this post gross you
out even a little, then don't read this entry because it's pretty much all I'm
talking about today. My back fat.
Plus size stores, in general, seem to assume two
things about fat women:
1) The fatter you are, the taller you are.
NOT TRUE!!! I'm a petite, dudes - a PETITE - so
when I request a pair of petite size pants it's for a reason. I can't tell you
how many pairs of pants I've had to cut the bottoms off of and hem up over the
years, so I would stop tripping all over them and pulling my pants down while
walking up a staircase! But this doesn't translate to regular length Capri’s,
of course - somehow those still end up being a Capri length when I just want a
frickin pair of normal pants I don't have to roll up (because cuffs never stay
up) or shorten with a pair of scissors, a needle, and thread. I can't stitch
in a straight line on an area that big and it always looks terrible because I
obviously don't know how to properly hem knit pants so the thread doesn't show.
Grrrr!
2) Your boob size is directly proportional to your
body fat, so if you are a size 28 you must have DDs.
NO! I only have boobs because I'm fat -
they're "fat boobs"! I'm only a C cup because I'm 400lbs -
without all the fat I'd be a B or less - and I guarantee the first place
the fat will come off is in the front boobs!
That's right, I said front boobs. Because I
have boobs in the back, and those, my friends, are DDDs.
I have had huge boobs on my back for as long as I
can remember. Certainly I had them by the time I was 14 because I was in
a play where I had to wear a corset with a period dress (I was Mrs. Darling in
Peter Pan, Which is hilarious because the girl playing Wendy was at least two
years older than me and looked it). Luckily my mother is a costumer so she was
able to make all of my costumes in high school. I remember my mother
having to build a dummy with my measurements because there were no corset
patterns that accounted for back fat. Once I was in the corset I had way
more cleavage in the back than in the front - which was not only annoying, but
painful since those puppies had to be squished and squashed instead of the
front puppies which could be lifted, fluffed, and settled into place.
The most annoying thing about them is that they
have and continue to make finding attractive clothes that look nice almost
impossible. No Plus-Size designer ever takes back fat into account for
the simple reason that the vast majority of fat people simply don't have back
fat - certainly not in giant blobs the way I do. So the very pretty and
usually flattering style of the "Empire waist" doesn't work on me
because it cuts off the fat in the back. And now that the front boobs below
the real boobs are bigger then their sisters above them, that style doesn't
look flattering at all.
Even bras are annoying to try on and it's hard to
find a size and style that works. The back has to be stretchy elastic
with at least three - and hopefully four - hooks to hold it closed. I
can't reach my back to close the bra because the fat is so huge back
there, but I haven't been able to find a front clasping bra that will actually
fit around my back fat enough to fasten. AND it has to go under the back
boobs and be able to support them. It's extremely frustrating!
The most frustrating thing is knowing that very few
women have such an issue. When I see a fat woman walking around, I always
look to see if they have a "normal" back or suffer from a ton of back
fat. I've only ever seen one stranger who had back fat like I do. I
feel like regular fat women can't understand this frustration because it really
affects what you can wear and how you look and feel.
So my wardrobe consists of knit pants, big shirts -
preferably long - and jackets and sweaters that no matter how big
or stretchy still pucker in the back across my massive DDDs. Any dresses I wear
are shaped like tents and usually have a jacket over them - and forget about finding
a nice looking Halloween costume! I can no longer fit into any of the
outfits my mother made me so it's just what I can whip up for myself on that
front - which isn't much and tends to be jacketed tents.
Honestly I have three pairs of boobs - two in the
front and one in the back. And of course the smallest pair is in the
actual place that boobs should be. The second set of front boobs came
from growing so fat that the back boobs apparently couldn't stretch any
further. They were like "dude, we're out of room! What do we
do now? I know - let's continue our path of fatty destruction and party
in the front!"
Anyway, I know why I have the back fat - it's a
side effect from the PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Some women are
pear-shaped, but I'm apple-shaped. If you take a photo of me from above
then I look like a ball with a tiny head in the center - I'm not kidding!
I totally do!
And I look enough like a giant beach ball to fool
ocean waves into thinking I'm something they can play volleyball with.
Totally true, dude - the last time I swam in the ocean the waves knocked
me around and I bounced back and forth like a ball. I had trouble getting
to shore because the waves were all like "noooo! come back!! I
haven't scored enough points yet against that east wave bastard!" With the
waves pulling me back repeatedly I almost drowned - but that's another story.
One that involves a giant wave, four burly strangers, my dad, and a wall.
But now that I have you curious, I'm not going to tell it. Because this
post isn't about near death experiences, or kind and burly strangers - it's
about back fat.
Back fat! I hate you! The first thing
I'm gonna do if I ever win a million dollars is hack you off and put in iron
plates so you can't ever grow back!
And now I'm done.
I read something somewhere that back fat - and underarm fat - is often at least partially breast tissue that has been squeezed back there through ill-fitting bras. Epbot has a fantastic article about proper bra fitting. Not that it necessarily applies to you, but it's worth reading in general.
ReplyDeleteI can't hook my bra behind my back either. I've been hooking it in front and then sliding it around as long as I've been wearing bras.
Should I feel bad for laughing at the picture of you in the waves? Because I totally am.