Sunday, August 1, 2010


To lose weight, get in shape, and become healthy so I can live a long life and see my adorable nieces and nephews grow up. Also being in shape will help me with my career because being a freelance editor involves a lot more field production then you'd think.

Long term -- lose 250 lbs
Short term -- get back under 400 lbs by Jan. 1
Immediate -- to lose 10 lbs in 2 months

I'm not going to diet, I'm going to change how I view food, eating, and exercise to make apermanent life style change. People have told me that diet and exercise is the key to losing weight so I'll give it a try. After all my previous methods of catching a leprechaun or finding a genie in a lamp and wishing myself skinny haven't worked out so far. Apparently you can't lose weight by osmosis which makes sense so I guess I can try diet and exercise instead.

I have a number of problems to overcome beyond sheer laziness.

1. I don't have a scale that can weigh me. Most scales do not weigh anything over 400 lbs, so I have no idea what my actual weight is at this moment and no real way to tell if I've lost weight in small increments which leads to very little motivation. I need to see the weight get lower in order to know that the changes I'm making in my life are making a difference in my weight. I'm visiting a doctor this next week so hopefully I'll get an accurate weight.

2. I've told myself all my life that being fat was okay, it was what was inside that matters. That is true to a certain extent, but I'm dangerously fat now and it's long past time to shed the pounds. But how do I undo an ingrained mindset -- a mental crutch that I've been living with for 26 years? I don't know but I'm gonna have to figure it out.

3. I've never been thin. Seriously -- never! I've been significantly fatter then everyone else since I was 6 years old. I was 200-250lbs by high school. So I don't know what it's like to be thin. I can dimly remember a time when I was thinner, but never thin. I've always worried about breaking chairs when I sit down since before High School. A lot of the other fat women I've talked to say they miss being thin -- but I can't miss it because I've never experienced it. It just makes motivation harder because I'm not trying to get back to a state I'm been in, I'm trying to find a way to get to a place I was never at to begin with.

4. Medical Problems. I know a lot of people roll their eyes when a fat persons says they have a medical condition, but the truth is you don't get to be over 400 lbs at 5'5 just by overeating. You just don't. I'm morbidly obese and it stems in part from having Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS threw my body chemistry out of whack and resulted in the surgical removal of an 8 1/2 lb cyst when I was fifteen, a chronic problem with Insulin Resistance which has turned into Diabetes now, weight gain, and beard hair (which is just ridiculouslyobnoxious). So it's harder for me to lose weight then your average Jane cause I can't just "diet" I have to change how I eat and what I eat permanently. However I do also overeat, eat lots of sugar, and don't exercise at all so the weight blame is not all for medical reasons.

5. I'm Bipolar. What does a mental illness have to do with physical weight? A lot. When I'm manic I might do a lot of exercise or start a really strict diet that I can't maintain when I crash. And when I'm depressed I have trouble doing anything at all. There are some days when if I can get up and get dressed I'm doing really good. I am medicated and have spent the last nine years trying to get my illness under control and now I feel that it's pretty well managed. That said it's still an extra complication that has to be dealt with and not ignored. Also I spent the last nine years on a medication that had weight gain as a side effect so that was totally not good. I've switched to another med and am stabilized on it so that's good. I also want to add that as far as I'm concerned my bipolar disorder is not an excuse -- it's an explanation, but it's never an excuse.

6. I talk too much. That's not really an obstacle to losing weight it may cause me to lose a lot blog readers including the friends and family who get enough my gab in person and don't need the computerized version.


  1. These are all serious obstacles, but they say that recognizing them is the first step. And here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with being overweight as long as you're healthy, but you are clearly no longer healthy, what with the diabetes and all. I wish you luck. How long should I let you go without posting before I bug you? ;)

  2. Well, goes.

    I have been over 400 lbs. I don't like to type it, or say it...but it's true. I am guessing I am about 375 right now.

    I have the one benefit of being 5'11", but I know your pain on stairs, chairs, mother f'ing turnstyles, and such. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to work together on this, if you want a buddy/support system.